lunch chatter, kid version
My lunchtime conversation may not be as interesting as the dialogue at the Democrat-Herald, which Jennifer so aptly describes today, but I did find myself thinking, as we ate lunch, that the sentences that come out of my mouth are not sentences I ever would have said, were I still working in an office with adults.
Here are a few things I actually said today:
And I'll close with this fascinating snippet of dialogue right here.
Working at the newspaper had its ups and downs, that's for sure, but I think I can safely say that no matter how strange our conversations got, no one ever asked me to describe the process of birth and reproduction over lunch.
Here are a few things I actually said today:
"Please do not put toys in your ketchup."
"That is enough with the poop jokes." (Some people think that girls are somehow naturally demure and not obsessed with bodily function humor. These people have not met my daughters.)
"Oh dear. You smeared bananas into your hair again."
"Put that chicken nugget back on her plate! You do not take food away from other people!"
"Don't cry if you dropped yogurt on your tiger. Just get a towel and clean it up."
And I'll close with this fascinating snippet of dialogue right here.
Beth, "Mom, when you had Evie, how did she get out of your tummy?"
Long pause, in which I wonder just how far I want to go in explaining the facts of nature to my 4- and 2-year-old. Not that far, I decide.
"I went to the hospital and the doctor helped me."
Beth knows a cop-out when she hears one. "But how did the doctor help you get her out?"
Another long pause. Am I really ready to go there? I only just taught her the words for the female parts not too long ago. Am I prepared to go ahead and tell her that women push entire babies out of there? I decide that at the moment, I am not.
"I'll tell you more about it when you're older."
"Tell me about it now."
"No. Finish your applesauce, and then you can play with Polly Pockets!"
Working at the newspaper had its ups and downs, that's for sure, but I think I can safely say that no matter how strange our conversations got, no one ever asked me to describe the process of birth and reproduction over lunch.
6 comments:
sounds like our house Jen! :) My kids have not given up asking about Bella's birth. Just when I think they've forgotten, they bring it up again, months later. (Bella is 13 months now). Seth was convinced for a while that the doctor cut me open and took her out... i almost wish I had had a c-section so I could tell him that was true. :)
My dd is 4.5 and I told her when I was having my son that girls have special parts that can grow babies, and they come out of their pee-pee's (before we taught her "vagina", and she called it a "vacation" for a while). Two weeks ago, I had a tubal pregnancy removed and I explained to her that the egg mixes up with the seed to make a baby("do you stir it?" "uh, sorta") and it goes down a tube ("do you know what a tube is honey?" "Yeah, like a slide. Did the egg SLIDE to the house for it?") And I explained it got stuck in the slide and the doctor had to get it out. It;s amazing how much they understand when you just break it down. I didn't, however, tell her where the seed came from!
Oh, I don't know. I could see the newsroom discussing the particulars of birth and reproduction over lunch.
Re: children's conversations - I remember Mark Peterson telling me once how he found himself saying things as a father he'd never thought he'd say. His example: "Tucker, it is NOT OK to hit your sister with a hammer!"
Mine: "Rebecca, please don't lick me."
Re: the particulars - I think I told you about the conversation Rebecca and I had when she was 3. If I didn't, let me know. It had all the trappings of a true Dave Barry article, and I so wish he could have written it ...! Anyway, the gist of how I answered that particular part of the conversation was that you squeeze down, kind of like you do when you're having a hard poop, but from a different opening, and pop, out comes the baby. She seemed totally fine with that explanation for several hours and then had an absolute meltdown, but that's the rest of the story.
Never a dull moment =)
I showed my boys a movie called "The Miracle of Life" a few years ago. I had completely forgotten that it shows a birth! And it really shows the birth, if you know what i mean! It is shocking as you are watching this little baby develop beautifully inside the mother and then all of a sudden the camera is outside the womb and showing the birth! I almost rushed to shut the telly off but then decided I didn't want to act like this was a bad thing. So we watched it and my boys commented on that for a long, long time. The blood is what made the biggest impact to them.
We have the book "The Story of You" (I think that is the title) and that has been very helpful in sharing the "facts of life" in an age appropriate way. When I get back home and have access to it, you are welcome to borrow it if you ever want to. It is discreet and tastefully written, but also gives good information.
Me here again-just looking through some of your old posts, since I am a new blogger. Our daughters are born 10 days apart! I really appreciate the way you write, and thanks for reading mine too it kinda makes me feel honored, because you sort of inspired me to get on the bandwagon. Strangely, I have slept better than I have in a long time, not having to come up with stuff in my head for no reason. I can get it out on my blog! thanks!
I think the "poop humor" must come from your husband and various other cousins... lol thankfully I have escaped that part of my family!
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